How does the pain of rejection affect you?

Ok.  I know this is not a popular topic.  Avoiding pain, of any kind, is a basic human motivation.  So, I understand if just the mention of this topic causes most of you to “runaway!”  (Sorry, can’t help but think of a segment in the movie, “Monty Python.”)

But some of you are fully aware that the pain of rejection is something you have indeed suffered, are suffering, or continue suffer.  You understand how it has affected you and driven you in various aspects of your life.

It is to you I address this post.  Read to the end…. there may be a free gift for you!

The Lord has impressed upon me recently just how significant this issue is and how it affects relationships, choices we make in our work, and endeavors we choose or don’t choose.  And thus, I am currently working on a project about the pain of rejection and how it directs our lives – positively and negatively.

Would you take just a few minutes and jot down some notes to me as to how it has affected you?  Would you mind sharing a story, a choice, and event where you have seen yourself do something or not in order to avoid the pain of rejection, or maybe how you reject yourself, or how you have tried to compensate for the pain?

For example,  because of being abused, abandoned, and rejected often as a child, I was motivated to become a lawyer.  Seems positive, right?  But once I had achieved my goal, I felt very depressed, rather than satisfied.   Why?  Because I was largely motivated to become a lawyer by my need to prove my worth and secure my future.  I wanted to be esteemed and wanted.

Well, I was esteemed, alright.  But I felt less wanted than ever!  People are scared of attorneys!  Girlfriends thought I was superior to them.  Guys thought I was too smart for them.  And on top of it, in the geographic area I lived in, being Asian, especially a smart Asian, was not a desirable trait.

The desire to avoid and compensate for the pain of rejection caused me to seek this career, but instead of being free of it, I added even more. (Thankfully God rescued me and showed me over many years, His love, esteem, and security that never fades and is in constant operation!)

Another example.  My husband has a business where he must invoice for services rendered.  For a long time we could not understand why he didn’t bill his clients on time, charge for the full extent of his work, or invoice at all!  Eventually the Lord shed light on it:  Gene perceived that the bill was a reflection of his worth.  If there was any challenge to his bill, which does happen in service businesses, it tapped into a hidden fear that he was not actually worth the money he charged.  This pain of feeling worth-less was enough to (subconsciously) keep or delay him from the billing process.  Of course, God pointed this out for Gene’s victory, but seeing and accepting this dynamic was not all that easy!

These are just 2 ways we have seen our choices affected by the pain of rejection.  There are so many more that relate to our relationships, our ministry, what we expect from life, God, and ourselves.

How about you?  Would you share with me how the pain of rejection has affected you and your choices in live?  Do you desire to be free and victorious of it as well?  In what ways are you already?

And here is the free gift part ….. share your story, and receive a $7 gift card to your favorite coffee shop, restaurant, or department store!   You can send me an email privately, or you can add your story here!

Thanks so much!!



5 Responses to How does the pain of rejection affect you?
  1. J
    January 2, 2009 | 5:38 pm

    I have definitely experienced this. It was just a matter of choosing which instance to share with you!!

    In the fall I was at a large party with lots of people that I knew. I was standing talking with one of my close friends. Another girl, whom I would consider a friend although more of an acquaintance, walked up to the person I was talking with. They said hi to each other, and then the girl proceeded to start another conversation with my friend while I was still standing there.

    She didn’t even say hi to me or acknowledge that I existed. It actually is a pattern with this person, so I wasn’t exactly surprised, but it still made me feel insecure and definitely not valued. I wanted to creep away into a dark corner because I felt dumb for not being included in their conversation.

    I get this same feeling often when I’m around this girl, but the funny thing is, I dont think she means to come across this way. Perhaps somehow she doesn’t realize she can be unfeeling to others. At the same time, I realize that I could be more proactive, to be the first person to say “hi”! And then there would be no danger of being unintentionally rejected.

    Perhaps this is a little sermon to promote saying “hi” to someone, because it makes them feel valuable! And using their name is even better. 🙂

  2. Dee Schader
    January 3, 2009 | 12:55 am

    Being at a crossroads right now, with the last child applying to colleges and myself experiencing back problems. I’m wondering what am I going to do or be able to do with the rest of my life. I’ve prayed but nothing seems to come only promises in the wind it seems. So right now even though I know in my head its not correct thinking, I’m having times of feeling like the Lord is rejecting me. Why don’t the answers come easy and profound? What am I doing wrong? Is the answer I think I hear me or the Lord? Why do I keep falling back into this way of thinking?
    Its a new year but a old problem.

  3. Dee Schader
    January 3, 2009 | 2:09 am

    So after I wrote the rejection post I thought ” Gee where did I leave off with the 7 steps”…….well I was on step 4 I tend to get led to other things and get off track. I just did 4,5,and 6.(I had printed them earlier in the year)I’m excited to actually sit with the Lord tomorrow and do the lesson’s. I’m doing the declarations tonight!
    Love You Dee

  4. Maryann Ehmann
    January 14, 2009 | 6:29 pm

    Thanks for sharing, Ladies! I will be in touch to grant you your gift card!!

  5. Dee
    January 15, 2009 | 2:25 pm

    replying to your email dated Jan16th.
    As a child , circumstance led to a big feeling of rejection that I to this day deal with. We move twice a year for as long as I can remember, finally in my high school years I stayed at one school but the feelings and patterns had already been set.
    I was always the “NEW GIRL” and therefore I was stand offish. I didn’t want to get close to anyone because I would probably be moving soon. I still do this and I only let few get in. I see now that those few are my greatest blessing because they had the patience with me.
    The moving was so far reaching, I had gaps in my education, because each district or area were teaching either differently or had already taught a principel that I was just starting to learn at the other school. With having a single, married again, divorced again Mom, I don’t think she was tuned in to see this lapse that was occuring. Therefore my education left me also with the feeling that they are all smarter than me. Now with facing this new phase of my life and wondering what am I as a empty nester going to do with the rest of my life the education part is playing a big roll again.
    I guess the Lord and I have some work to do!

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