Category Archives: happiness

Your Perception of God Controls Your Life

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The more people I mentor, the more I am convinced that how a person perceives God controls every aspect of their life, especially how they view themselves.

The interesting thing is – despite this critically pivotal state of mind and heart,  most people have little awareness of how they see God.

And so, one of the first things I listen for is my client’s mindset about who God is to them.  This is often revealed in subtle ways, in the words they casually speak, when they they talk of their past experiences, or what their current struggles are.

Their mindset about who God is to them is formed from a variety of sources from growing up, to what they were told in school, to  what they see in the media, or while they’re out and about in the world.   Even what they are taught in church.   (Yes, I understand, people get nervous when I say those kinds of things.)  Slowly over time conclusions about God and a person’s relationship to Him get solidified to the point that they are never questioned, let alone challenged.

Over my many years of being a Christian, I have hit plenty of walls of frustration and fear. But in each instance, God had given me the opportunity to question and challenge my perception of Him, how He related to me, what He had in store for me, what His promises to me were — yes, you probably noticed a theme… ME.

But contrary to the saying, ‘it NOT about YOU,'”  I believe there are times when it has to be about me… and my mindset about God, which gives me my perception of Him, which will control how I experience what I am going through, and what choices I will make as a result.

Often the Lord has shown me that something definitely needed to be tweaked in my mind… I need the spirit of my mind to be renewed, rejuvenated, and often changed.  And He is faithful to do it.  The more I can see Him as Good, and Good to and for ME, the more I experience His goodness toward me.  This leads to greater peace, clarity, and confidence.  I am able to soar and rise above the difficulties, armed with new spiritual and practical tools and weaponry, all in the safe context of a loving God.

If you are feeling like things are not going so well with you, maybe it’s time to challenge your existing mindset. Ask God to show you what may not be working in your thought life, even in your subconscious.  Tell Him through writing or speaking… not just thinking, that you are ready to hear and see.  He is all about your success, freedom, and fulfillment.

God bless you, my friends.

Be Encouraged as You Approach This New Year

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

What is your approach to this new year?  Gleeful anticipation?  Armed with new resolutions? Ho-hum apathy? Down and out discouragement?

Whatever it is, I would like to pass on to you a passage our pastor encouraged us with yesterday.

1 Cor 2:9 “… as it is written, eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for them that love Him.”

He then asked us the question, which I now ask you…

“Do you love God?”

“If so, then God has prepared things for you that you have neither seen, nor heard!”

What do you think of that?  Take a moment and breathe that reality in.

Now you may ask — but are they good things?

Years ago, there seemed to be a rash of teachings that promoted the mentality that if it’s something I don’t like or want to do, it must be God.


There was this thinking that God’s desires and our desires were at such odds with each other that surely, if it was pleasurable, fun, or easy…  it couldn’t be God.

Because of that many have turned away from Him, either within themselves, or in full out rejection.

God is a good God!  And this verse suggests good things are in store for those who love Him. (Notice it is not saying that bad things are in store for those who don’t.  We don’t want to go there!)

Here’s another verse that I’ve been meditating on recently, also mentioned in yesterday’s message.  (Don’t you love when that happens?)

Eph 3:19

Now to Him that is able to do EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL that we ask, or think, according to the power that works in us…

God has prepared good things for you… exceeding abundantly above all you could even think!


And how will those things come to pass?  Through His power that is at work within you.

Meditate on this truth as you think about the new year.  Ask God to deepen it within you.

This is partly how we build a mindset of favor.

In a world filled with negativity and for many of us, a history of shame, guilt, and disappointment, establishing a new mindset of favor is essential to moving forward positively, effectively and in power.

God bless you!!
Maryann

Before You Make That New Years Resolution

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I don’t know about you, but this is a very pensive time of year for me. Christmas makes me reflect a little differently about our Lord and New Years brings a sense of increased hope and energy for what’s to come.Before I actually think too much about next year and what it will bring, I naturally think about this year and how did it mesh with my expectations.

In years past, I have to admit, I would experience a bit of disappointment.  I looked forward to the coming year because I really needed a change, a different attitude, perspective, or circumstances.

Being a bit of a high achiever, I usually wasn’t satisfied with what I had accomplished and typically felt quite frustrated with myself.

I would lose sight of how much God had done in me, through me, and for me.But this year, it’s different.

I began to notice a shift in my mindset last year, but this year, it’s been a whole new world. As I’ve sat daily in the presence of the Lord, He has taught me the art of gratitude and becoming exquisitely aware of His goodness and favor.

Anxieties and fears have literally melted away, and having savored that, I refuse to ever be imprisoned or hindered by them again.

Psalm 37: 4-5 says:
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord (roll and repose each care of your load on Him), trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

I’m sure for many of you, this verse is an old favorite, too.  But have you ever wondered what it really means and how it really works? I have.  Sometimes I have been in so much anxiety or pain that I doubted that it meant anything at all.

Well, if that’s you, maybe I can shed some light.

The first thing we have to notice is the word “delight.”

King David, the author of this Psalm, didn’t say,:
  • “work like a dog”, or
  • “sacrifice your first born,” or
  • “go to church religiously”
  • and THEN God will give you the desires of your heart.
No, David said,  “DELIGHT.”

You know, sometimes the English translation doesn’t do the Hebrew justice.  Here, look:

Delight (‘anag)

Strong’s concordance says, “to be soft or pliable, that is, (figuratively) effeminate or luxurious.”

Another Hebrew dictionary says, ” to be soft, be delicate, be dainty”
a. (Pual) to be delicate
b. (Hithpael)
1. to be of dainty habit, be pampered
2. to be happy about, take exquisite delight
3. to make merry over, make sport of

Hmmm…. interesting word!  This isn’t just about being happy with and about the Lord, but to be like putty in His hands, to be pampered and luxurious!

This may be carrying the image a bit too far, but have you ever been treated to a luxurious massage at a spa resort? When you get on that table, you’re pretty darn vulnerable, aren’t you!

Basically, you have given the masseus permission to do whatever she wants to you, and you are there because you KNOW it’s going to feel so relaxing, and yet so rejuvenating… and you’re going to walk out of there, slowly, with a content grin on your face, with the mental attitude… yeah… whatever… it’s all good.

I love being pampered in that way, no doubt, but I have to say, delighting in the Lord, and He delighting in me… daily, has had a profound, I’ll-never-be-the same impact on my life.  It supercedes even the most luxurious spa treatment!

Through delighting in Him, I have learned of and become established in one of the most pleasurable and effective truths He has given us … we HAVE His favor, and we ARE highly favored. This favor has opened my heart and mind to receive the desires of my heart, and not block them from coming to me.  God wants to give to us excessively!

As I’ve said many times before, we can actually hinder or even, block the blessings of God by feeling disqualified, unworthy, guilty about everything, or undeserving.
The desires of my heart have been to be in constant partnership with the Lord, receiving His love and goodness freely, and being a vibrant, free flowing expression of that love and goodness to those He has put in my path (including you!!).

As I reflect on this year, I see He has honored those desires abundantly through writing, speaking, and coaching.  This fits me.

As I reflect on 2010, there isn’t a hint of disappointment or frustration.  Yay, God!  I am grateful and excited for 2011.
I love being putty in the Hands of Someone so trustworthy, so powerful, and so FOR me.

If you would like that too, here is my suggestions for a New Year’s resolve.Make it your goal to DELIGHT yourself in the Lord.  Spend time with Him and seek His favor.  Ask Him to deepen your awareness of this gift He has freely given to you.  Let Him pamper you with this truth.  He came to give it for a reason.

Then, with a heart of favor, trusting in His goodness, commit your way to Him.  He promises to give you the desires of your heart and bring it to pass.  Whatever way it comes, you will love it and it will delight Him to do so.

Accept Your Greatness!

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I have a verse to encourage you.  Remember when I wrote to you
about God making you great?

http://www.haveievertoldyou.com/you-are-destined-for-greatness

Read from Psalm 18:35  “…. Your gentleness and condescension have
made me great.” (Amp)

I hope you all know me well enough by now to know that I never
think our greatness is elevated above God’s!!  But we are the work
of His hands, and He has made us great.

Through His gentle, lovingkindness, mercy and favor…. He makes us great.  He has condescended Himself, meaning come from Heaven to earth on our behalf… to put His greatness in us.  Meditate on that today!

You have a significant part to play in His Master Plan! All you
have gone through, all you are blessed with, all your gifts,
strengths, and talents, are all jewels to fulfill your purpose.
God has made you great, and He desires you to accept that, embrace it, and walk in it!

Thank Him for it today and when life makes you
feel small and low, yell at the devil, “I am fearfully and
wonderfully made… I am marvelous… I am great…. by the power
and work of God Himself!”

Be Happier! Tell God About It

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I’m always amazed when I read the word and see psychological/health principles vividly displayed.  Many think the word of God irrelevant, and yet more and more, current brain and psychological studies reveal what the Bible has been saying all along, specifically in this discussion:  For happiness and health, we need forgiveness.  Internalizing our fears and guilty feelings creates havoc in our minds and bodies.

Let me show you what I mean:

I discussed in the past couple of posts how Ps 32:1-2 points out a way to HAPPINESS, and that is to live in a perpetual state of a clean slate which is only obtained by believing at a deep heart level that God has already forgiven you.  It is NOT by trying to always be good! Further, because God holds nothing against you, you need not hold anything back from Him.

Feeling guilty carries with it the fear of punishment, and we do all kinds of things to avoid that… blame-shifting, denial, aggressive attacks.

On the other hand, some people accept all forms of guilt… they feel responsible for everything that happens, take the blame for it all, and subconsicously harbor a belief they deserve punishment, and the circumstances of their lives reflect that.  Read any basic Psy 101 course and this dynamic is sure to be examined.

Now venting, blaming others, and punishing others for the guilt we feel inside is not a healthy response.  But neither is internalizing it so your body gets bombarded with a steady stream of harmful chemicals triggered by persistent negative thoughts.

Listen what David says in Ps 32:3:

When I kept silence [before I confessed], my bones wasted away through my groaning all the day long.

Keeping our negative thoughts inside and not dealing with them in a healthy manner affects our minds and bodies in severe ways.

As a former neurotically guilty person, feeling responsible for everyone and everything, here’s what I have learned to do:

Tell God all about it.

I write daily letters to Him and when I need to, I share my deepest, darkest secrets and feelings.  I share my screwiest ideas, my stupidest questions, my greatest fears, and silliest offenses.

And guess what?  I not only have not been zapped, but also I feel and see His smile.

He’s never forsaken me.  He, instead, sticks close to me, enlightens me, clears up my confusion, and reassures me that He loves and yes, even favors me!!  I need not grovel because He is the Lifter of my head!

If you don’t have that kind of intimacy with Him… ask Him for it and try it out!  He will meet you, if you let Him!

To your good mental, emotional, and physiological health!

Guilt: A Barrier to Intimacy with God

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Yesterday we considered Ps 32: 1 – 2:

Happy is he who has forgiveness continually exercised upon him, who has a perpetual fresh start!  You’re slate is wiped clean!  God holds nothing against you, and so, you need not hold anything back from Him.?

Did you notice the latter part of that passage? “… so, you need not hold anything back from Him.” (The Message)

Often in my coaching, I guide my clients to check out passages in the word that offer proof of the heart and intention of God.  Without understanding more fully the love of God, it’s easy to get thwarted in receiving the desires of their hearts.

I ask about the nature and quality of their relationship with Him to see if they are trying to get to their destination or goal in a boat with no paddles, sail, or motor.  Crazy, but that’s most of us!

After we talk about this, invariably it is disclosed, sheepishly, that they rarely sit with the Lord for wisdom, strength, hope, or joy.  Why not?  They feel guilty.

Somewhere within, they feel God doesn’t really want to see them, or if He does, it’s to scold them.

They barely crack open the word, which is to strengthen their faith, infuse them with power, and settle their hearts.  Again, why not?  Because they perceive a big bony finger rising up out of the pages and shaking in their faces.  Who’d want that?

I know exactly how they feel.  Growing up with a highly critical parent, I developed the idea that being right about everything, not wrong, was the way to avoid punishment, ensure my worth as a person, and increase my superiority.  To have anyone point out I was wrong about ANYTHING was like taking a hot poker and stabbing an open wound.

Of course, I had an effective way of masking that this bothered me, and so, I’d internalize the criticism, wonder about its truth,  and be resentful toward them.  A double whammy to my soul.

Examine today if your guilty feelings are keeping you from the True Source of all you need and desire.  The answer is NOT to do everything right all the time so that you don’t ever feel guilty and no one can accuse you.  You can’t anyway.

The answer is NOT to grovel and do penance each time you want to go to Him. He doesn’t need or want that.

The answer is to accept wholeheartedly the open door to His heart for you.  There is nothing that stands in His way, and He doesn’t want anything to stand in yours.  You can tell Him anything.  Go for it.

Live Guilt-free! Happiness Tip of the Day

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Continuing on in my series of “Get Happy!” can we consider

Ps 32: 1 – 2?

Happy is he who has forgiveness continually exercised upon him, who has a perpetual fresh start!  You’re slate is wiped clean!  God holds nothing against you, and so, you need not hold anything back from him.  (combination of the Amplified and Message)

Did you know that this is for you, everyday? Not just when you became a Christian!  How we can mess things up in a day!

But one of the first favors God does for us is wipe the slate clean, and in His mind… it stays clean!

One thing I come across CONSISTENTLY as a coach and counselor…. Christians struggle immensely with guilt and shame.  Guilt and shame confuse and cloud a mind. There is no way we can effectively move forward in the purposes of God when we are held back by a guilty conscience and a shameful image of ourselves.

I’m not talking about a person who is pathological and feels no guilt or remorse for anything.  That is a person who has NO conscience.

I’m talking to the vast majority of Christians, especially women.  We sometimes think guilt is the way for us to ensure proper behavior, or keep us in line,  and then we pass that on to our kids! This practice opposes God… and thus, can not bring happiness.

I know this is tough… but believe God.  He has let you off the hook.  Do the same. And be HAPPY!

More Get Happy Tips!

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Again, God has given us another sure-fired way to be happy… and I know I’m not telling you anything new… but consider:  do you REALLY believe this?

Happy are all those who seek refuge and put their trust in the Lord.  (Ps 2:12 AMP)

Most of the people that come to me have some nagging relationship issue that is causing them sadness, stress, or terrible frustration.  Though the verse quoted above is truth, knowing it does not seem to bring the relief, let alone happiness, most people desire.  In fact, it can add increased pain as they struggle with guilt for not finding the rest and happiness it promises.

And yet, seeking refuge in any other way, i.e. the arms of another, clandestine cybersex, working massive hours to avoid the feelings of inadequacy at home or produce elusive financial security just distances them even farther from happiness. While most Christians don’t struggle (any longer) with drug or alcohol addiction for refuge from painful feelings, we have a whole host of replacements … some of which even look pretty darn good (high performance, never saying no, taking responsibility for others’ burdens, to name a few)!

Truth be told, many Christians don’t really know how to find true refuge or put their trust in the Lord.

What’s the problem?

Why is it so difficult to put our trust in the Lord?

Well, the answer is as varied as our backgrounds, what we’ve been taught about God, who we think we are to Him, what experience we’ve had when we’ve prayed, and what we have interpreted and concluded about all that.

One of the things I explore with my mentees is what are the possible beliefs lodged in their minds that keep them from putting their trust fully in the Lord.  After prayerful consideration, they always discover what it is.

God is faithful to reveal what needs to be revealed. Once the internal tapes that play in their minds are identified, we can begin to dismantle them by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Freedom is a happy thing!

So, today, why not ask God:

“Lord, what is in my mind, my belief system, or my memories that have created doubt in You?”

Then trust He will gently and lovingly reveal it to you.

He loves you and wants you…. HAPPY!

Wanna Get Happy? (part 2)

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Continuing on…. So, what does lead us to happiness?

Ps 1: 2 says it plainly:  Delighting in God and His law.  Meditating on Him and His words day and night.

Now this may seem daunting, but think about it… who is God, but LOVE!  What is His law… LOVE!   So,  God has made things very simple for us, hasn’t he?  It’s all about love.

Love God.  Love ourselves.  Love others.

The difficulty most of us have is in trying to love others without first having a deep intimate love for God and RECEIVING the deep intimate love that He first gave us.

That is why being in His presence is so vital to our lives, our relationships, and our work.  I want to flow in love, not work at it, don’t you? And isn‘t being in the presence of Love, what all our hearts crave?

Indeed, all the studies done on happiness concur that having healthy, loving connections with others was one of the top contributors to happiness, definitely above money or things or even satisfying work.

But we are often thwarted in attaining those quality connections because the quality of our connection with the One who made us is often wanting.

He is the Source.

I spent years feeling unhappy about huge chunks of my life, and thankfully, God used that to woo me to Him, to pursue His presence.

And now, I happily admit, I am addicted.

Delighting in Him and His ways is easy, satisfying work.  He is now my counsel.  He’s the voice in my ear.  So much so, that I no longer avoid the ungodly, the sinner, or even the scoffer!

In fact, I often purpose to be smack dab in the middle of them!  How else can I form caring relationships with those who need love?

But this is not a job.  This is a RESULT of His love flowing in and through me… which is a RESULT of sitting with Him, not in the seat of scoffers, letting Him love on me.

So, Tip for today:  Seek the presence of God and let Him be your counsel.  Let Him be the voice you hear and the advice you cling to.  Meditate on, ponder about, and receive His love for you…. all day and all night long.  Do you think that will help you be happier?

Let me know, ok!?

Love to you all!

Maryann

Wanna Get Happy?

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Hello You Highly Favored Child of God!

Thank you all so much for all your very intriguing, enlightening emails!  Interestingly, the topic of happiness generated the most response of anything I’ve ever sent out!

It is clear that as desired as happiness is by most, (some people actually prefer misery, no joke!) it can be a confusing, complicated thing.  While hard to explain, you all seem to know when you’re happy and when you aren’t!
Happiness does not have to mean a constant state of exhilaration and euphoria, but there is definitely a lifting and lightening of our loads.  And who couldn’t use that now a days!!

Here’s my proposition:

God wants us to be happy.  He is on our side!  And there are over 70 verses that give us clues.

Besides the Word, a vast number of clinical studies done over the last decade aid us as well.

One interesting, though not surprising “discovery” is:  contrary to our Constitution, the pursuit of happiness is fruitless!

Ah…. but didn’t I say it’s God’s heart and intention for us to be happy?  Absolutely!

But we do not get happy by pursuing happiness.

Happiness is actually a RESULT of many different factors all working together.  And we can be totally happy in one area of our lives, and not so happy in others.

So, let’s get real…. 24/7 happiness in every realm of our lives is pretty unrealistic!

And yet, we could all stand to be happier! I mean authentically happier, not the fakey, stuck-on-the-face-smile-happy. I mean the kind of happiness that gives us more energy, a greater sense of peace, freedom, and generosity.

So, come with me and let’s start digging for treasure.

Psalm 1.  Great place to start!  As far as I can tell, it is in this Psalm that the Hebrew word for “happy,” often termed “blessed,” is first seen.

For today, let’s just look at the first two verses … and as we do, please resist the urge to treat this verse like a platitude.

I’m pretty sure you have heard and seen this passage before, and so there will be a tendency to say, “Oh, that… ” and dismiss it.

Scripture can be mere information, or it can be power-packed, spiritual nutrients for our hungry souls … so let’s purpose in our hearts to take God’s word on the subject of happiness and ask Him to make it real and meaningful to us, carrying it around in our minds and hearts throughout the day.

Devour this food and let it energize you!

Blessed (HAPPY) is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1: 1-2

There was a time that I thought this verse meant that I had to cut certain people and places out of my life.  And maybe for a season that was alright, seeing as I had so little confidence in who I was in Christ.

Years ago, as a young attorney, I desperately wanted to leave my job, and eventually I did.  I found it very difficult to be around all those ungodly people, all those who mocked my God, all those who delivered worldly advice and wanted me to do the same.  It hurt to be misunderstood and hear negative things about the One I loved so much.

It was not a happy place.

But this verse is not talking necessarily about cutting anyone out of our lives!  It’s really about – who are we listening to?

Even after narrowing my field of friendships, I still had to deal with my own inner critic – you know, that voice within that torments you in the night, “advising” you as to what you shouldn’t or should have done, telling you what you are and what you’re not, filling your mind with fears and worries!

Sometimes the counsel of my own inner voice is pretty ungodly and does not agree with the love of God.  Listening to it has caused me a great deal of stress and unhappiness.

There’s also a bit of a scoffer in most of us, right?  Isn’t that what we do when we hear the word of God and add a “yeah, but…” after?

Whenever we place our experience or what we see in others’ lives above what God says… well, that is a bit of scoffing. And as the word says, that does not lead us to a happiness!

So, what does? (go to part 2!)