Category Archives: guilt

Your Perception of God Controls Your Life

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The more people I mentor, the more I am convinced that how a person perceives God controls every aspect of their life, especially how they view themselves.

The interesting thing is – despite this critically pivotal state of mind and heart,  most people have little awareness of how they see God.

And so, one of the first things I listen for is my client’s mindset about who God is to them.  This is often revealed in subtle ways, in the words they casually speak, when they they talk of their past experiences, or what their current struggles are.

Their mindset about who God is to them is formed from a variety of sources from growing up, to what they were told in school, to  what they see in the media, or while they’re out and about in the world.   Even what they are taught in church.   (Yes, I understand, people get nervous when I say those kinds of things.)  Slowly over time conclusions about God and a person’s relationship to Him get solidified to the point that they are never questioned, let alone challenged.

Over my many years of being a Christian, I have hit plenty of walls of frustration and fear. But in each instance, God had given me the opportunity to question and challenge my perception of Him, how He related to me, what He had in store for me, what His promises to me were — yes, you probably noticed a theme… ME.

But contrary to the saying, ‘it NOT about YOU,'”  I believe there are times when it has to be about me… and my mindset about God, which gives me my perception of Him, which will control how I experience what I am going through, and what choices I will make as a result.

Often the Lord has shown me that something definitely needed to be tweaked in my mind… I need the spirit of my mind to be renewed, rejuvenated, and often changed.  And He is faithful to do it.  The more I can see Him as Good, and Good to and for ME, the more I experience His goodness toward me.  This leads to greater peace, clarity, and confidence.  I am able to soar and rise above the difficulties, armed with new spiritual and practical tools and weaponry, all in the safe context of a loving God.

If you are feeling like things are not going so well with you, maybe it’s time to challenge your existing mindset. Ask God to show you what may not be working in your thought life, even in your subconscious.  Tell Him through writing or speaking… not just thinking, that you are ready to hear and see.  He is all about your success, freedom, and fulfillment.

God bless you, my friends.

A Reflection on Christmas Guilt and Giving

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Ok, the presents are packed away and the bills are coming in. Well, I’m not here to tell you that you overspent or not.  I doubt you need anyone to tell you that!

But I would like to address the frustration that often puts undue stress on us.  Sometimes we blame cultural expectations for this tension and frustration.  But I believe for many of us Believers, there is a genuine God-given desire that sets our frustration into motion!

What is that God-given desire?

To give!  Excessively, extravagently, and without restriction.  Deep within each of us, this desire lives.

Why?  Because we have a God who has “lavished His love on us!” 1 Jn 3:1 (NIV)

LAVISH.  Don’t you love that word?  He has lavished His love on you!

So, why the frustration which creates the tension?  Because no sooner does the desire to give lavishly well up in us, when a competing thought squashes it down: the thought of lack!

Not enough money, not enough resources, not enough time, creativity, energy… whatever.  Faster than we even notice, lack rises up and squeezes the desire to lavishly give, making us feel inadequate, ashamed, and guilty.  Yuk.

Then we blame commercialism, non-believers, greedy kids (did we raise them to be like this???), and before you know it, we end up feeling like Scrooge.

So, what is my suggestion for you?

Rather than get swept away in a flood of lack, guilt, blame, and resentment… focus on ONE thing:
how lavishly the Lord loves you.

Take a few moments each day to dwell on that.  Let it swell up inside your chest, allow that thought to permeate your attitudes, your actions, and your daily dealings. Whenever you feel the pangs of lack, remember His lavish, extravagent love.

I know, it sounds too simple and too self-centered, but…
To be a true giver, you must first be a grateful receiver.

Remember: YOU are the joy set before Jesus. (Hebrews 2:2) And it all starts with Him!

And one more thing… even now, as you prepare for the coming year, set aside the funds you anticipate spending next year, or plan a year of giving without spending lots …. KNOWING you have the heart of God who loves to give.  Seek Him and His abundance, whether expressed through funds, creativity, or special favors.
He wants you to be blessed, not burdened as you express His goodness in and through you.


How To NOT Worry Part 2

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I hope you had a stellar weekend!  It’s that time of year here where the leaves are turning those beautiful shades of gold, red, and brown.  Love it!


 So, you recall in a previous post I proposed that we can greatly reduce (dare I say, eliminate??) worry by not doing anything different than we are already doing, but rather, change our FOCUS.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight,  O, Lord, my Rock (Strength) and my Redeemer.” Ps 19:14

We want the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts to be acceptable in the sight of God. But what is that?

What are those words and meditations that God finds acceptable?


Oh, my — the answer could be a very long and drawn out one… but let’s make it simple today.. …. anything that AGREES with God and His heart and intention for you.

Here I’ll choose one for you today … Next time you find yourself worrying about something you have said or done, or something you failed to say or do, and you are now worried about the consequences of that – meditate on this truth:

you are the righteousness of God in Christ.

Do not be tempted to think of this in only doctrinal terms… this is real!

Being His righteousness means that you are filled with everything that is deemed right by God. Indeed, it is WHO YOU ARE!

You have the right heart, the right thoughts, the right solutions, the right wisdom, the right attitude, the right power, the right authority to use that power, the right creativity…. need I go on?

Because of Christ, it is all there within you. Meditating on this truth and speaking it out loud, will RELEASE it into your mind, your heart, and in your circumstances.  Faith will rise. You will find the right and favorable outcome to the thing you are concerned about.  If you need to change your heart and mind about something, you will know that and doing it will come easier.  But don’t dwell in that position!  Move on.

Worry will only cloud your judgment and confuse your efforts.  This kind of worry also causes us to doubt ourselves and that makes us feel insecure and unstable.

By declaring that you are God’s righteousness, you will put the devil on notice that you can not be accused and condemned because you are all right with God and He is all right with you!

And if God is for you, who can be against you!  Being His righteousness entitles you to all kinds of benefits, not the least of which is the authority to use His power.

So, rather than use the power He has given you to worry, use it for good. Meditate on life giving thoughts and speak life giving words.

If you would write and tell me what you are going to meditate and speak on this week, I would love it!  If you want me to hold you accountable, let me know.  I will be happy to do so!


 Always in YOUR corner, Maryann

Be Happier! Tell God About It

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I’m always amazed when I read the word and see psychological/health principles vividly displayed.  Many think the word of God irrelevant, and yet more and more, current brain and psychological studies reveal what the Bible has been saying all along, specifically in this discussion:  For happiness and health, we need forgiveness.  Internalizing our fears and guilty feelings creates havoc in our minds and bodies.

Let me show you what I mean:

I discussed in the past couple of posts how Ps 32:1-2 points out a way to HAPPINESS, and that is to live in a perpetual state of a clean slate which is only obtained by believing at a deep heart level that God has already forgiven you.  It is NOT by trying to always be good! Further, because God holds nothing against you, you need not hold anything back from Him.

Feeling guilty carries with it the fear of punishment, and we do all kinds of things to avoid that… blame-shifting, denial, aggressive attacks.

On the other hand, some people accept all forms of guilt… they feel responsible for everything that happens, take the blame for it all, and subconsicously harbor a belief they deserve punishment, and the circumstances of their lives reflect that.  Read any basic Psy 101 course and this dynamic is sure to be examined.

Now venting, blaming others, and punishing others for the guilt we feel inside is not a healthy response.  But neither is internalizing it so your body gets bombarded with a steady stream of harmful chemicals triggered by persistent negative thoughts.

Listen what David says in Ps 32:3:

When I kept silence [before I confessed], my bones wasted away through my groaning all the day long.

Keeping our negative thoughts inside and not dealing with them in a healthy manner affects our minds and bodies in severe ways.

As a former neurotically guilty person, feeling responsible for everyone and everything, here’s what I have learned to do:

Tell God all about it.

I write daily letters to Him and when I need to, I share my deepest, darkest secrets and feelings.  I share my screwiest ideas, my stupidest questions, my greatest fears, and silliest offenses.

And guess what?  I not only have not been zapped, but also I feel and see His smile.

He’s never forsaken me.  He, instead, sticks close to me, enlightens me, clears up my confusion, and reassures me that He loves and yes, even favors me!!  I need not grovel because He is the Lifter of my head!

If you don’t have that kind of intimacy with Him… ask Him for it and try it out!  He will meet you, if you let Him!

To your good mental, emotional, and physiological health!

Guilt: A Barrier to Intimacy with God

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Yesterday we considered Ps 32: 1 – 2:

Happy is he who has forgiveness continually exercised upon him, who has a perpetual fresh start!  You’re slate is wiped clean!  God holds nothing against you, and so, you need not hold anything back from Him.?

Did you notice the latter part of that passage? “… so, you need not hold anything back from Him.” (The Message)

Often in my coaching, I guide my clients to check out passages in the word that offer proof of the heart and intention of God.  Without understanding more fully the love of God, it’s easy to get thwarted in receiving the desires of their hearts.

I ask about the nature and quality of their relationship with Him to see if they are trying to get to their destination or goal in a boat with no paddles, sail, or motor.  Crazy, but that’s most of us!

After we talk about this, invariably it is disclosed, sheepishly, that they rarely sit with the Lord for wisdom, strength, hope, or joy.  Why not?  They feel guilty.

Somewhere within, they feel God doesn’t really want to see them, or if He does, it’s to scold them.

They barely crack open the word, which is to strengthen their faith, infuse them with power, and settle their hearts.  Again, why not?  Because they perceive a big bony finger rising up out of the pages and shaking in their faces.  Who’d want that?

I know exactly how they feel.  Growing up with a highly critical parent, I developed the idea that being right about everything, not wrong, was the way to avoid punishment, ensure my worth as a person, and increase my superiority.  To have anyone point out I was wrong about ANYTHING was like taking a hot poker and stabbing an open wound.

Of course, I had an effective way of masking that this bothered me, and so, I’d internalize the criticism, wonder about its truth,  and be resentful toward them.  A double whammy to my soul.

Examine today if your guilty feelings are keeping you from the True Source of all you need and desire.  The answer is NOT to do everything right all the time so that you don’t ever feel guilty and no one can accuse you.  You can’t anyway.

The answer is NOT to grovel and do penance each time you want to go to Him. He doesn’t need or want that.

The answer is to accept wholeheartedly the open door to His heart for you.  There is nothing that stands in His way, and He doesn’t want anything to stand in yours.  You can tell Him anything.  Go for it.

Live Guilt-free! Happiness Tip of the Day

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Continuing on in my series of “Get Happy!” can we consider

Ps 32: 1 – 2?

Happy is he who has forgiveness continually exercised upon him, who has a perpetual fresh start!  You’re slate is wiped clean!  God holds nothing against you, and so, you need not hold anything back from him.  (combination of the Amplified and Message)

Did you know that this is for you, everyday? Not just when you became a Christian!  How we can mess things up in a day!

But one of the first favors God does for us is wipe the slate clean, and in His mind… it stays clean!

One thing I come across CONSISTENTLY as a coach and counselor…. Christians struggle immensely with guilt and shame.  Guilt and shame confuse and cloud a mind. There is no way we can effectively move forward in the purposes of God when we are held back by a guilty conscience and a shameful image of ourselves.

I’m not talking about a person who is pathological and feels no guilt or remorse for anything.  That is a person who has NO conscience.

I’m talking to the vast majority of Christians, especially women.  We sometimes think guilt is the way for us to ensure proper behavior, or keep us in line,  and then we pass that on to our kids! This practice opposes God… and thus, can not bring happiness.

I know this is tough… but believe God.  He has let you off the hook.  Do the same. And be HAPPY!